Stark's Wedding
by Elissa707
Summary: Stark gets married! This is part of the FREUDIAN SLIPS universe, set six months after Cap and Hawkeye get together. Three planned chapters, each from a different perspective. Funny, then fluffy, then funny again. Since it's a part of Freudian Slips, I'm putting the characters down as Cap and Hawkeye...
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Avengers.**

* * *

"Come on, Clint. We've got a wedding to go to!" I said, rather excited._ I wonder what weddings are like…_ He tugged on my hand and I slowed down.

"Steve, we have half an hour to get there… and 'there' happens to be the roof. We have time." He replied, refusing to run with me. I paused and looked at him.

"Clint, what's wrong? Just last night you were so excited about this, and now…" I trailed off and pulled him to me when he shook his head. "Tell me." I asked.

"Can we go back to our rooms?" he asked and I agreed instantly, worried now.

Once there, Clint and I sat on the couch. I looked at him concerned and he fiddled with his hands.

"Clint, what's wrong?" I asked, taking one of his hands. He wouldn't look at me, so I moved in front of him.

"If I did something, tell me, so I can make it better…" he shook his head.

"I just… What is this to you?" Clint asked me and I blinked in surprise.

"What do you mean?" I responded, wondering where this came from.

"Well, we've been together six months…" He said and I nodded. "I… is this just a fling? I thought when we g-" he continued but I interrupted him by pulling him into a very tight hug. _I suppose I took it a bit too slow then…_

"Clint Francis Barton. I love you." I whispered into his ear and then released him.

"I don't know if I should hit you for calling me by my full name after I _specifically _told you not to… or kiss you." He replied, but I could see the happiness in his eyes so I just smiled.

"I vote kiss, if it makes any difference." I responded and he rolled his eyes but kissed me all the same. I climbed back on the couch and he laid on me, snuggling in automatically.

"I love you too." He replied suddenly and I smiled broadly, though he couldn't see me. Or so I thought, as I looked down and saw him watching me by craning his head at an awkward angle. I rubbed my hand up and down his back; I swear he purred very, _very_ quietly. _Perhaps I should call him Cateye…_ I snickered to myself and he looked at me oddly, I shook my head and he laid his head back down. I glanced at the clock and saw we had twenty minutes. _Plenty of time for snuggles…_

_Weddings… only really fun for the couple and those who can get drunk. _I watched Stark slide the ring on Pepper's finger. Pepper was smiling so hard I was slightly worried that she was in shock. After the ring exchange, and the 'I do's, they turned to the cake. Twenty minutes later, I was twirling with Clint on the dance floor, much to the shock of…. Well, everyone. Including myself, normally the most public touching we did was hold hands. I saw quite a few photographers and reporters make their way over and I just stared them down. _It's Stark and Pepper's wedding, the vultures… Can't they stick to pestering the ex-playboy philanthropist billionaire and his wife? Much more interesting…_ I felt a tap on my nose and I blinked.

"You're dancing with me, Cap." Clint reminded, amused and I smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, I was glaring at reporters." I replied. "Force of habit…" He just grinned and rested his head on me.

After our dance, we stood next to each other, sipping our drinks. I felt Clint watching me and I glanced over, curious. He stared at me, blushing slightly and his eyes were so dilated that they looked like black discs. I gulped and he watched my neck intently. I started to take a step back. _Not at Stark's wedding. _Clint reached out, lightning fast and jerked me close to him.

"Why run, unless you want to be chased…" he purred into my ear and I bit my tongue. He bit my neck sharply and then kissed it. Suddenly, he released me. "Go ahead and run… But I will catch you." He said silkily. _What on earth is with him… and how to recreate this often…_ I obligingly walked away quickly, resisting the urge to fly to our room. I got into the elevator before Clint caught me and pressed me against the wall in a demanding kiss. My eyes snapped shut and I tried to somehow bring him closer. The elevator _ding_ed and he pulled away. I whined before I realized what just happened and I shut my mouth with a click. _Pull yourself together, soldier!_ Clint, or perhaps Hawkeye fit him better right now, turned back to me.

"No, I want to hear you." He whispered. "Every sound, every moan, gasp and sigh of pleasure." He ran a hand down my cheek and winked. "Come… with me." He then took my hand and pulled me along, passed our room and to the pool, much to my confusion. We reached the hot tub and he ripped open my shirt. I shivered and he smirked.

"Hold on, Captain… and remember to breathe."

After an hour, though it felt like much more, Clint and I were relaxing in the tub, utterly boneless and just about asleep. He looked up at me and we shared a smile. Suddenly I heard footsteps and a familiar booming voice coming closer. I stared at Clint, realizing that we were _naked_ in the hot tub, our clothes were ripped and scattered everywhere, and Thor was about to find us. _Oh shit._ I closed my eyes and hoped it was just a nightmare.

"BY THE FROST GIANT'S FROZEN TESTICLES, TAKE THIS SIGHT FROM MY EYES!" I heard Thor scream and I laughed, a bit hysterically.

"Uh, Clint… We should leave." I said; fighting the blush and trying to cover both of us. Clint was too busy covering his face to hear me. Thor threw two pairs of pants at me and sat down, covering his eyes and muttering. Clint took his and quickly pulled them on and so did I.

"Clint, did you _have_ to rip the zipper?" I asked, covering the tear with my hands. _Well, if we run, maybe no one will notice…_ He snorted.

"Did you have to destroy my boxers?" he retorted, pointing to the shreds of fabric all around. My blush deepened and Clint's did too. Thor groaned and covered his ears too, eyes firmly shut.

"Uh, sorry Thor… We'll just be... going. Bye!" I said. He said nothing in reply and we fled the room. _God I hope we don't run into anyone…_

Luckily, we didn't and we reached our rooms. Looking at each other, we burst into laughter.

"Oh my god… Thor is going to tell _everyone!_" exclaimed Clint and I saw worry hit his eyes. I touched his face.

"Are you alright with that?" I asked, knowing that Clint like his privacy even more than I did. He hesitated and nodded.

"It's not like they didn't know we were together…" He said and I hugged him.

"Not that I'm complaining, what got into you back there?" I asked, the question had been bugging me. He shrugged.

"I'm not sure… I was fine, just enjoying the wine and then suddenly all I could think about was you… naked. And sex." He replied, cheeks tinged again and he glanced away. "I can't believe I _said_ all of that."

"Well, I can vouch that you did…" I said and smiled at him. "It was quite… interesting." He rolled his eyes and went into the bedroom. I followed him and we changed into sleeping clothes. We got in bed together and I pulled him close. We laid there for a while, considering our own thoughts, before he spoke.

"You told me you loved me… Real or no?" asked Clint, almost silently.

"Real." I answered, moving one hand to touch his cheek and draw his eyes to mine. "I love you, Clint." And he smiled, and for the first time since Loki, there was neither shadow nor insecurity in his eyes, only happiness.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

And that, my friends, is the closest I could get to smut.

This will be a trilogy type thing.

I'm with Cap... weddings are exciting at first but boring in actuality.

Now, I wonder what exactly got into Clint...

Oh, this occurs about six months after they get together, if you missed that bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Avengers or the song (which is owned by Lifehouse)  
**

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I stared at Pepper, she was truly gorgeous tonight. The baby bump, somewhat noticeable given that she was six months along, served only to enhance her figure. I couldn't take my eyes off her and I smiled broadly. The priest coughed and I blinked.

"Tony Stark, do you take this woman as your lawfully wedded wife? To love and to hold, in sickness and in health, in richness and poor, as long as you both shall live?" He asked and I got the impression that he had already asked me this.

"I do." I said, obeying Pepper's eyes that should I say anything but 'I do' I could expect numerous unpleasant things to happen to a vital organ. She smiled at me as I slid her ring on her finger and kissed it. The priest muttered something and then turned to her.

"Virginia Potts, do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband? To love and to hold, in sickness and in health, in richness and poor, as long as you both shall live?" he asked.

"I do." She answered and I grinned again. I looked at my ring as she put it on my finger.

"Then I pronounce you man and wife. Tony, you may now k-" he started and I stepped forward and pulled (gently) Pepper into my arms, smiling before kissing her passionately. I heard the many clicks of cameras and I ignored the press. After a few minutes, I heard another polite cough and I reluctantly pulled back. The priest raised his eyebrows and I just smiled at him.

"Hey, I'm married now." I said and Pepper rolled her eyes at me. We stood and the priest muttered, again, under his breath.

"I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Stark!" he said and the crowd clapped.

I led Pepper, _my wife!_, to the dance floor and the music started up.

_What day is it? And in what month?  
This clock never seemed so alive  
I can't keep up and I can't back down  
I've been losing so much time  
_

My hand on her waist, hers on mine… And we danced.

_'Cause it's you and me and all of the people,  
with nothing to do, nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you  
_

She teared up and I moved my hand to brush away the tears, kissing her eyelids gently.

"This wedding is so… I just, I love you Tony." She laid her head on my chest and I smiled broadly._ This is so perfect._ I felt the world still and it was just Pepper and I.

_One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping on words  
You've got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here_

I shut my eyes, holding her and swaying with the music.

_'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do  
Nothing to prove  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you_

_There's something about you now_  
_I can't quite figure out_  
_Everything she does is beautiful_  
_Everything she does is right_

_'Cause it's you and me and all of the people_  
_With nothing to do, nothing to lose_  
_And it's you and me and all other people_  
_And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you_  
_and me and all other people with nothing to do_  
_Nothing to prove_  
_And it's you and me and all other people_  
_And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you_

_What day is it?_  
_And in what month?_  
_This clock never seemed so alive_

I looked at her and we smiled.

"I love you, Pepper." I said and she touched my cheek, the dance ended and we stood together. Stark and Stark (and the littlest Stark!), united to face the world's greatest evil: reporters. I glanced around the room and noticed Clint and Steve... And Clint was most definitely hard-core flirting with Steve. I blinked in surprise when I saw them scurry off to the elevator and grumbled to myself. _They're leaving my wedding to go screw like bunnies and I'm stuck here with the press...__ Then again, Pepper and I are hitting up France and I will convince her about the nude beaches.._ I grinned and Pepper looked at me questioningly. I bent to her ear to whisper.

"Cap and Clint left to go have sex and we're going to a nude beach! Hey, can _we_ sneak off to go have sex?"

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

The song is "You and Me" by Lifehouse. I played around with a lot of songs but I liked this one best. And boy, does Pepper have her hands full...


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own the Avengers.**

* * *

I was bored, truly and deeply bored out of my mind. Liz couldn't come to the wedding, Steve and Clint were too busy dancing to talk to me, Thor was with Janet, and Bruce was chatting with some guy I've never met. I glared around the room and decided that it was time to amuse myself. I snuck away, to the kitchens, and took a special vial out of my pocket. I found an unattended tray of wine glasses and smirked evilly. _Now, who gets to be my special little guinea pig?_ I chuckled maliciously and poured it into a glass, swirling it to mix thoroughly. I then picked up the platter and handed it to a waiter.

"Go on then, the guests are thirsty." I said and he nodded, going to circle the crowd. I watched him go near Steve and Clint and I allowed myself a small smile. _Well won't that be fun? Come on, Steve, take the right glass…_ Blinking in surprise, I watched Clint take the special glass instead. _Oh that's even better; Clint is more repressed than a priest…_ I giggled slightly and one of the guests gave me an odd look. I ignored her in favor of watching my boys go to the wall and sip their glasses. I moved through the crowd to get a better look and outright laughed when I saw Clint's eyes go pitch black. _Ah, this kind of poisoning is so much more fun. Much better than the standard "Arsenic in the curry"… _I waited until Clint and Steve had gotten into the elevator before getting into one myself, heading to the security room. I laughed as I went down the hall and let myself into the room, sliding into a chair. I called up the right cameras and settled in to watch. _And record, for blackmail material of course._

I stood in front of their room, holding the disc, thinking. _I should give it to them, but then they'll freak out and wonder who knows. And they'll figure it out pretty quickly that I'm the only one who would. _My choice was made for me when Steve walked out of the room.

"Hey, Steve. I poisoned your boyfriend and recorded the two of you, here's the DVD and it's the only copy. Oh, I wiped the security feed as well. Have a great day!" I said, handing him the case and walking away. _Ok, I should have about fifteen seconds before he processes that..._ I heard him shout and I winced, breaking into a run. _Make that ten._

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This one is very short, but I didn't really see the point in just repeating the scenes from Cap's perspective... I mean, I still can't write smut.

I think the Widow would be a fun person to hang out with. _Possibly_ one more chapter, but I might add it in with another fic (not long enough as a oneshot). Which next, Stark's baby or Cap/Hawkeye's wedding?


	4. Wedding Gifts

**I don't own Avengers.**

* * *

I stood underneath the pile of wrapping paper, watching my husband open gifts and wondering if I didn't just marry a child.

"PEEEEEEEPPPPER! Come here!" He exclaimed and I rolled my eyes as I walked over.

"Yes?" I asked and he thrust a package in my hand. Glancing down, I saw it was ah, toy.

"Do they think all that we do is have sex? That makes it six dildos, three vibrators, a set of handcuffs, then again those are interesting…" He muttered, grabbing another box. I choked on the air.

"Your friends gave us what?" I asked and he looked up at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Six, no, make that seven dildos. Three vibrators. And a set of handcuffs." As I stared, he looked over the pile. "I'm almost scared about what's in that box; it could probably fit a freaking girl…" I glanced at where he pointed and against my will; I walked over and started unwrapping it.

"It's from Steve and Clint." I said numbly, staring in the box, rummaging through it.

"Really? Weird, the three-pack of dildos and the vibrator were from them to…" He had a contemplative look on his face. He reached the box and he confusedly dug through it with me. "Uhm, Pepper? Is it just me, or is this three-feet-wide-four-feet-tall box _full_ of bottles of Vaseline?" I nodded silent, looking at him. He burst out laughing and picked up a bottle.

"Pep-Pepper, can you get me a pen and paper, and can you help me write down who gave us what?" He asked in between laughing. I grabbed a pad and pen and told him to start, watching him rip open more packages.

"Steve and Clint: Three dildos. One vibrator. About…. A lot of Vaseline. Four boxes of Trojan condoms." I wrote it down and he piled them all, neatly, next to him. "Natasha: _very_ interesting lingerie. Hmm." I felt him staring and I shook my head. He sighed. "Fine, but later. A digital camera." Tony chuckled and I rolled my eyes. "Liz, that's Natasha's girlfriend, remember? She apparently bought separately, a few baby clothes. Weird shirt-pants-thing." I glanced up to see him holding a pack of onesies, taking one out and turning it over in his hands.

"They're onesies, Tony." I said and he shrugged, tossing it on the pile.

"Well, six of those and a box of diapers. Another box from Clint and Steve… It's a bottle of 'tingling warming gel' for massages." He started laughing again and I looked at the ceiling.

"What is wrong with them?" I asked and Tony shook his head.

"Hold on, I have a feeling I know what they're doing. I'll tell you if I'm right. Here, something from Bruce. A vial of purple goop. Interesting, oh there's a note. 'This is a new formulation from a chemist friend of mine. He works for Vaseline. Yes, it's for what you think it's for. No, I will not get you more. You will have to wait a few months for it to be available for the general public. Yes, Pepper, it's totally safe.'" He lifted up the vial and swirled it. "Not sure about how I feel about the color but we should definitely try it."

"Your friends are… interesting. Steve and Bruce did not seem like the kind who could do this sort of thing." Looking up from the list, I saw Tony cough a bit uncomfortably. "Tony, what did you do?" He shook his head.

"After, there are two more boxes. Thor gave us… cucumber and carrot seeds. Another note. 'You mortals have odd customs for weddings, but Janet said that these would fit the theme. She also will not explain this theme to me.'" Tony looked at me. "Did we set a theme for gifts?" I shook my head and he chuckled again. "Didn't think so. Ok, last box, from 'The Avengers'. Edible body paint, chocolate flavor, a gift card to Babies 'R' Us, and a gift certificate in your name to 'TriBeca Beauty Spa_'_. Ah, a letter." He read it to himself and laughed. I walked over and carefully sat next to him, mindful of my belly, to read it as well.

_Dear Stark,_

_Enjoy these gifts, as Clint and I have appreciated the Vaseline and the others have found the story quite funny. So, we hope you enjoy your gifts quite thoroughly. The non-Avengers' gifts were very carefully hidden and will be returned tomorrow morning. These were meant to be opened first._

_Dear Pepper,_

_We did not want to neglect you nor the little one, so we purchased you the gift certificate, we didn't want to get the wrong colors. BW/Natasha recommends you wait until after the child is born before using the spa certificate and has volunteered Stark as a babysitter. You will also receive a flower arrangement every year on your anniversary for the next ten years. We wish you the utmost happiness._

_Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner, and Thor Odinsson. _

_P.S.: Tony, if you ask me one more time to describe my lover's ass, I will cut off your favorite organ in your sleep. I'm never going to tell. –Clint._

I looked at Tony and he smiled, looking at me lovingly.

"Hey, I would _never_ cheat on you. Our relationship was mutually open before, but I am now 100% committed to _you,_ Pepper. I ask because he turns red and it's rather funny. Steve may have a great ass, but he's not you." I rolled my eyes but smiled back. Tony leaned forward and looked at me eagerly.

"Can we try one of these?"

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Ok, for those complaining in their heads about how very heavy that the box of Vaseline would be and that a cardboard box couldn't support that weight, I never said _how_ it got to Stark's place. Maybe all the Vaseline bottles were in bags and Cap set up the box, dumped them in, slapped on some paper and a "From Steve/Clint" sticker when he stole all the other presents. Anyways, this is after the Starks returned from their honeymoon, so Cap had plenty of time to sneak in Vaseline. So. Yea. What do you think?


End file.
